Although I have not seen a source for this anywhere, I wanted to share an idea that’s been percolating in my mind for some time now. In the beginning of the second of this week’s double פרשיות, the תורה gives us the מצווה to revere our parents “איש אמו ואביו תיראו”. The contrast of this מצווה is that of honoring and respecting one’s parents, "כבד את אביך ואת אמיך", which is listed twice in the תורה, once in the set of עשרת הדיברות in פרשת יתרו and the other in פרשת ואתחנן. Surprisingly, as it seems to be a part of the same מצווה, the תורה neglects to mention the promise of אריכת ימים, longevity, as a reward for proper performance of the commandment, unlike by the times it talks about כבוד. Also, the end of the פסוק refers to the מצווה of שמירת שבת, ("ואת שבתותי תשמורו") which we know references the איסורים of violating and desecrating the שבת. Apparently, the תורה equates the מצווה of יראה to a לאו of שמירה.

I believe that the תורה is teaching us a deep lesson with this juxtaposition. In an ideal world, a person should love their parents and treat them appropriately, with the correct type of gratitude, because they respect them. This is why one who reaches the level of properly being מכבד them merits instant אריכת ימים (whether that refers to חיי עולם הזה or חיי עולם הבא is beyond the scope of this דבר תורה). However, it is not always easy to love through giving this respect to one’s parents, and we therefore must revere them simply because they our parents, and ה' told us we have to.

ר' גדליה שור comments on the רמב"ן who says that when ה' said the מצווה of שבת during the עשרת הדברות, משה רבינו heard “זכור”, while the rest of כלל ישראל heard "שמור". On משה רבינו’s elevated level of קדושה, the concept of שבת is such an obviously good experience that someone who understands its importance could not possibly be מחלל it. Therefore, the עשה of שבת contains within it the impossibility of violating it, just as someone who loves another person doesn’t have to be told not to hurt or harm them. However, the rest of כלל ישראל, on their lesser level of קדושה, did not understand how great and wonderful this concept of שבת was. They therefore had to be commanded that it is אסור to be מחלל this holy day, so when they received the עשרת הדברות, they mainly “heard” the איסור of "שמור".

The multiple juxtapositions of these two מצוות, (שבת וכבוד-יראת אם ואב) tells us that this idea applies to both. A person who is on an extremely high level will appreciate the kindnesses that his parents do for him on a daily basis, and will therefore show their love for them through their displays of כבוד towards them (feeding them, giving them what to drink, etc.). To those people, the prohibitions implied are inherent and obvious, and don’t really even need mention. They therefore merit the ברכה of אריכת ימים, to see one day their own children show them the same respect. The rest of us need to be told that we must revere and fear our parents as well, and display our love for them through the things that we don’t do (not sitting in their place, not contradicting them, etc). The איסורים involved are less obvious to us, and we must therefore be told. That’s why the only mention of יראת הורים is in conjunction with שמירת שבת, while כבוד, (at least the first time,) is mentioned together with זכור.

May we all take a lesson from this idea, and strive to perfect both our כבוד ויראת הורים, as well as our זכירת ושמירת שבת, and combined we’ll be זוכה to see אריכת ימים בימי משיח צדקינו במהרה בימינו אמן.

Have a wonderful שבת קודש!

מרדכי שמחה טיפנברון